CAKE Byte – Playing Solitaire

cardsHave you ever wondered why the simple art of pleasuring oneself, aka masturbation, is still taboo? The idea that masturbation stems from willful self-abuse goes back to the Genesis story of Onan, who spilled his seed upon the ground rather than into the wife of his dead brother and was struck down. Onanism is born. This new sin has the same terrible consequences as the one in the Old testament – death.

In 1712, an anonymously published pamphlet, Onania; or, The Heinous Sin of Self-Pollution, and all its Frightful Consequences in Both Sexes, Considered appeared in print to caution the unwary against the dangers of “self-pollution.” Onanism forever conjured up the “sin” of masturbation – the act of “wasting” one’s reproductive potential over feeling really good for pleasure’s sake.

As Thomas Laqueur puts it in his new book “Solitary Sex,” masturbation as a sin is a creature of the Enlightenment – as it reflected ideals contrary to the individual productively participating the larger social good. It was considered down right dangerous to the social order of things and as an indication of the collapse of culture and a return to the most primitive level of desire and gratification. Of course the demonizing and pathologizing of masturbation came hand and hand with new be all end all “cures” for the sickly syndrome – namely “strengthening tincture” and “prolific powder” which promised the sinner relief from such atrocious deeds.

Hmmm…Fabricating a problem to sell cure·sound familiar??? Capitalism at its finest! Later, Freud took it a step back and a step further and defined masturbation as an immature act that one has to get through to become an independent, worthy adult – and called masturbation “resolutely antithetical to the process of civilization, especially for women.”

Masturbation allows fantasy to outlive reality – not necessarily great for the better social good. Or is it? Why are we, as a society, so caught up in considering masturbation as a one-way issue as opposed to a beneficial behavior? Specifically, when it comes to female sexual pleasure, women are embracing the notion that the more self pleasure we inflict on ourselves, the more society is better off. In other words, masturbation allows women to know our bodies, know what we want and articulate it to our partners – a collective pleasure principle if there ever was one.

Whew, okay, okay enough of this self-polluting. Thank goodness for all those CAKE.Girls and Boys out there that it is 2003 and not 1712. Contrary to our philosophical forbearers, CAKE believes that masturbation should be practiced regularly to promote our health, not doom it. Not only does it encourage self-exploration and self-pleasure as essential means of sexual discovery alone and with a partner, it is a first step in a person’s sexual evolution and it enhances a positive self image and self-esteem. The studies and data of Kinsey, Masters and Johnson and the authors of Our Bodies, Ourselves in the mid to late 20th century changed the tide for masturbation, defining it as an essential path to a woman‚s self-knowledge, from which all else springs. If you don’t know yourself, who can really know you???

So instead of berating ourselves for engaging in what’s natural, let’s celebrate it as an art. The art of masturbation – May is national masturbation month for goodness sakes – let’s indulge in what is our humanly and socially responsible right! What turns us on and what gets us off varies dramatically depending on where we are in our lives, what we have learned about our bodies, and what stimulation we have around us.

“Do it in the tub, mama·with a bottle of bub mama·”

Okay – no really. Here are a few of your favorite places, scenarios and all together nutty situations that you have gotten off in·

My two most daring places were – in classroom at school several times and at my seat in an airplane going to Miami. The risk of being caught or being looked at turned me on and made me come…boy that was good!
In a NYC cab! This became a mini obsession of mine one summer when i had to take long cab rides home through the tunnel. I used to imagine what the driver’s face would look like if he realized what I was doing. This only made it more exciting the possibility of getting caught. I would plan it out by wearing short skirts on the days I knew I would take a cab home. It was all very wet and exciting. One of the best fantasies fulfilled so far!
In a Conference room at work
I was at work and I was sneaking in some surrender from your site, my panties were beginning to get wet, I couldn’t stand it anymore so I grabbed my purse (which of course held my vibrator) and ran to the bathroom.
On an airplane seat surrounded by people. cool eh?
In a car, driving in Florida on Interstate 10, between Tallahassee and Jacksonville, doing 75 mph in the right lane while a trucker did 75 mph in the left lane.
One time, by using the seam on the crotch of my jeans and carefully crossed legs, I “pleasured myself” in the middle of a physics lecture by swinging my legs. I guess the laws of gravity can really get a girl hot!!
In the cockpit of an F-15. Yummy!
We were building a house, and had the basement dug, with mounds of dirt all the way around it. One warm, sunny summer day I found myself alone there, and decided to “be one with nature” and pleasure myself right there. The warm sun shown on my naked body and was so exciting. Just after I finished and began to get dressed, I realized there was a helicopter hovering overhead!
I was feeling really excited one day as I was getting ready to go cover a story on a wrestling match. I was wearing a really cute outfit with a long skirt.. and nothing but a thong under it. I had my little vibrator in my briefcase and decided the 30 minute drive could use a little spicing up. About 5 minutes before I reached the site, I had about three orgasms all in the driver seat. That was the best car ride ever.
OK, I’ll tell, even if it IS a little embarrassing! I was on a long trip aboard AMTRAK coming from visiting my mother – yes, mother! The ride was about 7 hours long! I came up with an idea for an erotic movie and began writing it. I was feeling really inspired, even amidst all these noisy people, girls and guys drinking and talking loudly on the train. Finally I got so excited I decided to go into one of those awful cramped little bathrooms and – yes- I actually relieved myself right there! I can tell you it wasn’t easy bringing myself off while making sure not to touch that icky public seat! But I did it and it was good!
I was feeling a little frisky one day while I was driving to school on the highway. I remembered that the bag I had packed to stay at my boyfriend’s house the night before had my vibrator in it. I took it out and used it on myself on my ride to school. I didn’t notice that a truck had pulled up next to me and the driver caught me in the act!
In a donut in Dunkin Donuts parking lot.
In a dressing room at Macy’s. I know people heard me because I got a lot of strange looks as I stepped out of the room. I heard the snickers behind me as I kept walking and left the store.
I was at a job interview, and I suddenly got so horny I was almost panting, so I just slid my hand down my pants and drove it all the way home!
The question is not where have I done it– it’s where haven’t I?! Coming is as natural to me as sipping my organic blend of Peter’s coffee each morning. I get inspired by numerous things, some of which are outright sexy, others that are quite benign: a night with susie brights erotica, my post-work bath with the trusty waterproof aqua erotica, early morning self love (in front of the mirror, of course), while reading CAKE.Girl fantasies at work (that’s right, I stealthily slip my hand under my jeans, slide my g-string to one side and enjoy my wetness which results in orgasm moments later. United Airlines, KLM, the list keeps expanding– in the bathroom (not in my seat) on my flight to india, from amsterdam, to los angeles, from new york. While driving isn’t so shabby either– although you’ve got to be a multi-tasker by nature. When I was younger and had just discovered the joys of masturbation, I would quietly bring myself to orgasm while lying only 5 feet from my sister’s bed! Touching myself- exploring the many folds, the mystery that I, as a woman, possess, expanding my apocalyptic pleasure is a serious gift. I wonder if people can sense this as I walk out of the bathroom on the 747.

Ahem! – yes, yes, y’all, rock your bodies all night long and of course – Happy Masturbation Month!

Now get to it!


The Pleasure Club Topic of the Week:

What are your thoughts, associations and experiences with masturbation throughout your life, from the earliest memory to your present day repertoire?



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