CAKE Byte 38.0: Hot Stuff

How does your body image affect your sexuality?

In response to this seemingly simple question, CAKE received overwhelming and diverse responses from CAKE.GIRLS. Over and over again, you told us that the two are linked. When you feel good about your body, your libido rages and your sex life rocks. On the other hand, there is a conflict between what constitutes a sexy body image and the line between feeling sexy and defining it on your own terms. Many of us seem to feel inadequate but are unclear as to why.

Mainstream media feed off of this integral connection of mind and body - telling women what they should buy and how they should eat in order to be perceived as sexy, or to feel sexier.

In contrast, CAKE likes to switch up the standard approach to defining body image by giving CAKE.GIRLS an opportunity to express yourselves. Whether you are on the CAKE.Stage at the amateur strip contest, or you anonymously submit your opinion on the site, CAKE.GIRLS create the definition of what makes women's bodies sexy and sexual and sets new and groundbreaking standards.

Though the specter of societal pressures is always present, reminding us that we can always be thinner, tighter and hotter, we are finding out that lots of things make you feel good about your body...a little porn, a new sex toy, some hot dirty talk or getting sweaty on the dance floor. If we love our tits, asses, vulvas and everything in between, we are more likely to get hot and get off - and that's how we like it.

To honor your responses, CAKE is dedicating this CAKE Byte to all the CAKE.GIRLS out there who stand up, take notice and express yourselves!

Enjoy

"Funny you should ask. There has been a huge change in just the last few months. I have always thought of myself as "the Fat Chick" because I am tall, somewhat overweight, have extra large breasts, and I have always stood very straight, looking much taller than my 5'9". So I have always wondered why people stare at me. I thought maybe because I was big, or my chest or something. In the recent months there's been at least 4 instances where someone, a friend, or maybe someone I hardly know, tells me what a great bod I have, so sexy and lush. LUSH? I had never entertained that idea. But, just for a moment, I tried it on. Guess what? It fits perfectly! I have never felt so completely sexual, sexy and horny as I have since this happened! And to top it all off - I am getting so much sweet action that my poor head is spinning!"

"When I am thinner, I feel better about my body, and I can project stronger, more confident sexuality. This is with my clothes on. When I am actually having sex with some one, I know what I can do and I don't even think about what I look like. Bent over and all."

"I am less sexually adventurous when my body image is more negative. I feel less compelled to seduce men and women, and less confident doing so. I tend to become a homebody and retract from play parties and sexually charged surroundings...However, when I feel good about myself, nothing or no one can stop me. Sexuality is sometimes what feels good in the moment, and how I feel about myself is part of every sexual moment I have."

"To put it simply, body image is everything to me. Regardless of how much I want my partner I have to feel comfortable in my body to respond sexually. Self-consciousness does not lend itself to true enjoyment-the mind is always involved in insecurity and can't let go. Ahhh, but if you learn to enjoy your body and not be quite so critical you can turn yourself on just as much as anybody else- sometimes even much more. Self-love is a blessing you can create. A blessing indeed!"

"The body image issue is difficult, since there's so much pressure on us to define our body image within very limited parameters - particularly that of thinness. Once I entered my thirties my body began to change, and I now have a few pounds I'd never had before. If I let myself fixate on it, it's hard to feel sexy. Although women in porn look more like real women than women in Hollywood do (let's not even mention models...), they're usually still surgically enhanced to an early 20-something look. (I think that's why I really like Shanna McCullough, since she actually has body fat, and it suits her well). So there's still a lack of realistic models. However, your praise of the vagina does point us in another direction. I really like my pussy -- it's very aesthetically pleasing, very soft, looks good. I also think my ass is attractive. If I think more along those lines, my body image improves and I feel sexier. It helps to have a partner who's encouraging."

"Sometimes I have a very hard time letting go sexually, because I am worried about what the person I'm with thinks of my body. Are my legs too fat? Are my breasts not as perky as the other girls he's been with? I try very hard to push these questions out of my head. But with all the constant reminders of what is "a good body" and me not necessarily fitting the bill, its often challenging to feel sexy."

"My body image has a definite effect on my sexuality. I don't feel that I live up to the image of what a sexually attractive woman looks like and it severely effects my sex life. I don't have nearly as much sex as i would like with my boyfriend because I don't feel sexy. He tells me all the time how attractive he thinks I am but because i know he finds Victoria's Secret models attractive I feel inadequate and ugly. It's all really absurd too. I consider myself a feminist and have read plenty of feminist literature on body image. My rational mind understands it but when I get into bed it all goes to hell."

"All my life I have been told I have a great body, with a temporary pause when I was having babies and being drudge mother. I loved being a nursing mother and my self-image was of bounty and luxurious richness. After that I wanted to lose the weight and get a waist back and start right back being a sexy broad, with some experience and wisdom to help me handle the pressure of babeness. My body image, voluptuous and experienced, has served me well in the new role of mature woman. I can finally handle the racing car body I got when I incarnated into this world and intend to enjoy what it can do with men and women who can enjoy it too. So far so good!"

CAKE thanks everyone for submitting such amazing, personal responses!

Body image to reproductive rights - from loving your body to owning your body!

QUESTION OF THE WEEK:

For those of you who got up on stage at FANTASYLAND, let everyone know the score. SUBMIT your response at CAKE.REPORT.

Love,
CAKE