CAKE Byte - Flying Solo

"I can’t orgasm! I am 20 and totally sexually active....but I have never had one orgasm...not even on my own! Do you have any advice on how I can have an orgasm, without a vibrator, by my self? Help!" - anonymous

My goodness! Orgasms, orgasms, how to have an orgasm??? Though here at CAKE we adhere to a strict orgasm-a-day regimen, there are still way too many women who tell us they have yet to experience their orgasmic potential. How can that be in this post-millennial age, you ask? Perhaps it has something to do with the dishonorable circumstance that no one is teaching us girls how to masturbate. (Remember what happened to Jocelyn Elders…???) A significant number of women - some estimate approximately 20% (no way!) have never had an orgasm - end up just simply without the tools and techniques to getting it done.

The best way for a woman to understand what pleases her, and what gets her off is by first learning how to "fly solo." When flying solo, we can be as loud or as soft, as wild or as calm, as contorted or as relaxed, as we want. It's that unabashed, unashamed, I'm "gunna go get 'em tiger" kind of pure sexual desire. Once we have given ourselves the permission, the acceptance and the encouragement to please ourselves, it’s time to learn the tricks of the trade. The styles, the props, the times, the places and the fantasies may differ from one woman to the next, but all masturbation techniques share the common pursuit of selflove. Luckily, there is no one sure-fire way to get yourself off. There is a whole bag of tricks to choose from, depending on the day, your mood, position of the moon, etc.

CAKE’s Bag of "Flying Solo" Tricks — (to be used in succession or a la carte, as you wish...)

The Great Tub Escape

Start with a nice warm bath to make your body feel good and relaxed. When nice and relaxed, slide your body down, wrap your legs around the faucet and let the water pour over your crotch. Experiment with the temperature and pressure of the water to see what feels best to you. Move your body around to see the what part of your cake you want the water pressure to fall on. When you find a spot that feels good, keep the water flowing on that area. You may want to read some sexy stories while in the tub to get your juices flowing. CAKE.Girl fantasies in the SURRENDER section of CAKE, Nancy Friday’s My Secret Garden and Aqua Erotica work well for us. If you don’t already sport the detachable and customizable shower head — go ahead — splurge — treat yourself. It’s easier if you can move the water to you instead of moving yourself to the water. This snazzy prop also has different settings for varying pressures and speeds.

Magic Hands

Get your booty out of the tub and find a comfortable spot to lie down. A good sound track can be a nice touch to getting your groove on. Spend some time with your body. Feel it out. Use your hands and caress yourself all over. It is key to get yourself in the mood before you go after the big O. The climax of an orgasm is the culmination of a number of different sensations and moments — so start small and build up. When you get to your vulva, explore it. Figure out where the most sensitive areas are, how much pressure you like, and what motion suits your mood. The most splendid thing about masturbation is that it is your time to enjoy yourself without interruption, so indulge your desires. Massage all around and mix that cake batter up! Find your clitoris (the ultra-sensitive "love button" beneath your labia) and go to work with your fingers. Hand motion and speed are two key components to getting off, so experiment with what feels best for you. Some hand techniques include, a circular or figure-8 motion, flicking, up and down/side to side and pulsating. Stay with it, pause, try again. Experiment with penetrating your vagina and ass. Use your favorite lotion to lubricate the area — we especially like cocoa butter, because it smells so yummy.

Motion Potion

Repeated motions on the clitoris will eventually bring on an orgasm. Don’t give up no matter how much your hand cramps! You can always break out the vibrator for a little support, using a vibrator to stimulate one area of your body and your fingers to stimulate another. For example, use the vibrator on your clit and your hands on your inner thighs. *By the way, it is an over publicized myth that a vibrator desensitizes your clitoris — there is no such thing as becoming addicted to your vibrator — like saying that using an electric toothbrush is bad for your teeth!

Read Your Mind

There are always new techniques to learn and new toys to be bought, but no masturbation method is complete without the element of mental stimulation. Sometimes a simple moment, object, or person replayed over and over in your head will bring you to orgasm. Other times you may think about a detailed scene played through from beginning to end when you finally come! Pick your favorite fantasy and play it out while you touch yourself. Your fantasies are your own to enjoy — get creative and challenge yourself to get explicit. A sexy flick running in the background can be a good for keeping your mind focused on the business at hand.

Rock It Out

You got to work it baby, work it. Enjoy the experience — every motion of your hand, every twist of your mind. You are a sex goddess — and you turn yourself on. Watch yourself in the mirror. Open your mouth and get down with your bad self. Moan a little or say some of your fantasies out loud. Remember, you are alone, there is nothing to be self conscious about.

Ride the Wave

What should you be feeling you ask? Well, according to our field experts (aka CAKE.Girls) there is a mix of emotions going on leading up to the big finale. On average there is a rush of heat, and tingling to your genital area followed by a fuzzy build up of intensely pleasurable feelings. It is important to ride this feeling out — catch it as they say and don’t let it go. The bigger the build up, the stronger the orgasm. The "orgasm" part feels like a breaking wave of pleasure released throughout your body lasting approximately 5-10 seconds on average. Let us be perfectly clear that there is absolutely, positively no mistaking the orgasm component. There is an explosive release that surprises us every time because of how damn good it feels. You may experience vaginal and uterine contractions for a few moments during and afterwards. Many women say that their clitoris becomes extremely sensitive right after an orgasm lasting a few minutes or so. Overall, having an orgasm is one of the most pleasurable, stress relieving, indulgent experiences a woman can have.

According to one CAKE.Girl -

"At first I feel intense pressure, the really good kind, and slowly the tingling of different nerves and the seemingly involuntary shuddering of my legs, vagina, everything feels better and better, and then finally, everything tightens, this huge burst spreads throughout my body like a wave: at first, a small wave splashes against the shore. Then another, then another bigger one, and the time between the waves gets shorter. When the orgasm peaks, it's like riding the wave- like body surfing a huge wave all the way into shore. The better the orgasm, the longer I feel like I'm on top of the wave." (for more descriptions of CAKE.Girl orgasms check out the REPORT section on CAKE)

So there you have it. A nice, big juicy orgasm for you to have at least every day of your life. Now go forth and conquer that orgasm!

Question of the Week:

CAKE.Girls, let us in on your masturbation tips and tricks so we can spread the love. Of course we would love to hear if CAKE's advice helped anyone out there have their first orgasm! Give CAKE the juicy details. Submit and read responses from last week's question in the REPORT section.

Love,
CAKE