Yet, judging from a recent article in Elle magazine, there is still much work to be done. Elle denounces alternative spaces for women to explore sexuality in a way that brings public attention to the reality of women's sexual lives and ponders the question - "Can being too hot cool your sex life?" (And no, we are not joking)
"Even when the dancing woman is just as fulfilled by the experience as the man leering at her, she is still not challenging stereotypes, furthering communication, or improving sex. There's no progress." The writer warns that this type of sexual imagery is a "bad case of the male gaze - the term feminists lifted from film theory to describe the appraising male look that women have internalized so completely that a piece of us is always evaluating our own sex appeal...Mightn't styling ourselves into porn robots encourage assembly-line sex? Does it really liberate us sexually to act the tease up on a platform...To divorce lust even further from touch? (Excerpt from Elle magazine "Stripped of our Senses" December 2003)
The underlying message of the article to women is simple: men control the public domain so there is no way for women to use our own sexual agency to contribute in a positive way, and sex is a private act disconnected from public performance. According to the article, the social context is just too sexist - too dangerous - and women are just too fragile, too brainwashed by the male gaze to attempt to dabble in the gray areas. This type of thinking is based on an inherent distrust and lack of faith in women's ability to choose how, when and why to express our sexuality, and a strong skepticism of men's ability to change and evolve along with us.
Sound familiar? The same type of argument was used against a woman's right to vote almost 100 years ago!
Ah! Where do we begin? Based on these tired moral assumptions and played gender stereotypes, Elle wants to send sexuality back into the bedroom closet, all the while masquerading this perspective as "feminist."
Let's
break down the ironies of their message:
| The World according to Elle: | |
| Sex in the bedroom: | good |
| Sexuality out of the bedroom: | porno (read, bad) |
| The new red-hot lipstick: | MUST HAVE! |
| A first red-hot lapdance: | Never had one! |
| Woman using her body to express her sexuality: | bad |
| Woman using her new for fall miniskirt to express her sexuality: | $$ |
| Woman enjoying overt expression of her own sexuality in public: | bad girl, go home. |
| Man enjoying woman’s own overt expression of sexuality in public: | leering pervert - bad but inevitable |
|
Emaciated model defining what it means to be a sexual woman: |
you go girl! |
| Real women, real bodies expressing themselves in public: | Very, very bad! |
| Stilettos on the runway: | Sexy! |
| Stilettos on the stage: | Slutty! |
| Shopping: | an act of sexual empowerment |
| Sexual exhibitionism outside of fashion: | submitting to the male ideal. |
Simply put, these messages are out of touch with the reality of women's lives and further, do women and men a disservice when it comes to gender relations and sexual equality.
While Sex and the City mainstreamed the rabbit, and women need no longer be afraid to admit they masturbate and fantasize (in some circles...), there is still a strong social opinion that sexuality, and specifically female sexually, is a private issue that should be kept in the bedroom. This mentality insists that sex is about the physical contact between two people, and can be enjoyed simply with the correct knowledge about our bodies combined with our natural sexual instinct. If only it were that easy....
Perhaps in a social vacuum, it would be. But people make private individual choices about sex after considering how those decisions effect their lives as a whole. That is why, rather than just focus on sex, CAKE believes in promoting an empowered female sexual lifestyle.
Despite a new generation of women who are out there making a positive statement about how sexuality is integral to life, it seems that Elle Magazine would still want women to be caught in no win situation.
Should the CAKE community of women be deterred by these messages? Of course not! While it's true that the world may not be completely ready to receive a woman publicly asserting her self-defined sexuality, sexual empowerment is not based upon the interpretation of others. It is up to YOU to decide. CAKE trusts women's autonomy and agency - we provide the platform and the forum to make those decisions.
We have always and will continue to argue that for there to be long-term social progress in terms of female sexuality and equality we must address BOTH the social context around us as well as what goes on between two people in the bedroom. Female sexual empowerment means specifically moving into the public rather than just privately informing women about our bodies.
Beyond giving women information about orgasm, masturbation and fantasy, CAKE is a public decree and constant voice of women who make their own sexual choices. The mission of CAKE is to take women's individual definitions of female sexuality and provide a public statement about the importance, strength and diversity of female sexual lifestyle, and promote women's right to "sexual choice."
We will just have to keep saying it over and over again until progress is made - without the choice, there is no equality.
Love,
CAKE
| The Pleasure Club Topic of the Week: Have your voices heard! In what ways do you think that female sexuality should be given a public platform for expression? |