Last week, in CAKE Byte - The Object Objective, CAKE asked the question - "Why don't men wear lipstick?" We presented three different examples of how objectification is tied to sexual inequality for women due to a social power imbalance. By purposefully generalizing about social issues that are inherently impossible to generalize about, we explored why sexual inequality exists for women. We also hoped to elicit responses from YOU and in turn give the CAKE voice a multitudinous perspective, which is critical to the evolution of CAKE and female sexual culture. We were pleasantly surprised to hear from the BOYS on this one - a bit of ideological "stepping up to the plate." Above all, CAKE strives to create dialogue that provokes thought and insight.

So without further ado, we present the other side of the coin.

"Greetings -

I probably have no business replying here nor do I have any authority on the subject absolutely none. Nor have I ever been to any one of your parties (...yet out of curiosity, I would most definitely like to attend one) nor have I ever spoken with you or anyone in your organization in person on the subject nor have I ever even so much as met a CAKE girl. I'm even wondering what I'm doing ... what kind of nerve I have replying here. I've read your biography page, and CAKE is obviously composed of some really sharp, intelligent individuals with high educational credentials. ... But I do have a few things to say.

I'm a man. I will never know what it's like to live as a woman. Therefore, my valid perceptually based knowledge of life as a woman amounts to ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. Therefore, feel free to write off the rest of my response as a simple pointless rant if you like.

I find your philosophy as evidenced in your latest newsletter a bit unnerving, I shall begin by responding directly with a collection of internet sources to statements made in your latest newsletter, then shall make a formal response to your philosophy and organizational direction."

Why don't men wear lipstick?

"They do. They are usually referred to as 'cross dressers'; Of course, this doesn't stop at least a few of us from experimenting. Allow me to speak from personal experience on the subject. Now, last time I wore makeup (complete with lipstick, eye shadow and lashes mind you) I couldn't find a woman to take me as seriously being heterosexual, (as is also actually the same case for many stylistically conscious, fashionable men that I know ... even those that don't wear lipstick;-)) or without a meathead football player type guy from assuming the same and wanting to break me in half for "being fruity." We experience the exact same pressures. I'm sure many men would LIKE to dress up, wear makeup ... yet we experience social pressures to inhibit such desires and behaviors (sound familiar?) Actually, I could argue that I feel that men are FAR MORE socially inhibited than women. But that's just my perception, and no more valid than yours."

In a world of increasing equality - why are the physical pressures of creating and maintaining physical perfection still widely relegated as a feminine role?

"The times they are a changin'. I would argue that pressure on males to attain and maintain physical perfection is increasing. You need only glance at your nearest subway station newsstand at the growing selection of Men's magazines and their headlines (comically similar to that of many popular women's magazines) to realize this."

Women have eating disorders, men don't

"From an online article: 'Eating disorders are a class of psychiatric illnesses affecting more than 5 million adults in the United States. According to the American Anorexia Bulimia Association - a national, non-profit organization dedicated to prevention and treatment of eating disorders - about 10% of all people diagnosed with eating disorders are male.' Perhaps I should also mention steroids, Creatine or other muscle enhancer usage among men."

Women put silicon and plastic in their bodies and suck out the fat, men don't

"From another source:'This year (2002) more than two million Americans will have some sort of plastic surgery procedure, and, of that number, approximately 30% will be men.' Over the last decade, it has become more? socially acceptable? For men to want a more natural-appearing nose, a sleeker waistline or a rejuvenated face, not only for vanity reasons, but also to be more competitive in the work environment."

Women take the birth control pill, men don't

"Yes this is true. It's a simple question of physiology and usage of contraceptive, really. Men wear condoms. Women don't (generally speaking here ... yes I am aware that the female condom exists); Boys have a penis. Girls have a vagina. (Wise knowledge from the movie "kindergarten cop" for those who remember;-)) Men can also get a vasectomy far easier than a woman can get her tubes tied. Go figure."

CLUB.CAKE says wear whatever makes YOU feel good

"Shouldn't you be doing this already? Or, perhaps, subject to the EXACT SAME social pressures and norms that men experience as well. An example... now, I personally don't like wearing a business suit. I feel constricted, boring, unattractive and HIGHLY uncreative in one. Many of my male friends feel the same way. Now, I might also feel great in a skirt, but societal norms dictate that I ought not dress like that.

Many of the pressures that you have pointed out that women experience are equally experienced among men. If you feel angry that the world may cast you as a set of T&A, I would hope that you'd realize what it might be like to be cast as a walking ATM.

I applaud your efforts, your organization and many of the philosophies found on your site. I do hope that one day I may have the honor and privilege of attending one of your events. Hopefully my criticisms detailed above will not prohibit my possible participation, but will encourage further discussion."

Signed,
Confused CAKE Boy
Brooklyn, NY

"Dear CAKE,

I am an avid fan of your organization and I am a male reader of your newsletter. I agree with so much of what you are saying and trying to do for female sexual liberation and I applaud all of your efforts.

As a male who is very open about sexual identity I have had to struggle with male sexual identity obligations in ways that it is perhaps hard for you to see. You asked why men don't wear lipstick? Very simply: we are not allowed to. The straight male sexual identity is totally controlled by societal standards of machismo.

What are we obligated to be? 1) Strong, 2) handsome and fit 3) able to fix or build anything 4) able to provide the majority of income for our families 5) able to fight and desire to fight 6) appear in no way effeminate 7) able to have a rock solid hard on at the drop of a bra. I am not saying these are what we should be-these are what WE have to be. This is our Brazilian wax. You think men don't struggle with weight issues? I constantly worry about being a big fat ass. You ever hear a guy admit he could not get a hard on or beat some one up? Certainly not in front of anyone else.

I am only hoping to make you a little more aware of the dual struggle we both face, men and women. Our sexual identities are tied together and must be changed together. I am trying to do my part by being Honest to myself as a person and not to outside pressure, but, hey, I still want six pack abs and I stopped shaving my legs 'cause I got to much shit. I was run through the ringer and I did adopt a lot of what is expected of me as a male, and not all of it is bad. I enjoy being able to fix things and it does feel good to be needed by my wife. My whole point being just this: Men suffer under their own yoke as much as women. Yes, I said as much as women. We both suffer together so lets fight together to improve openness in sexual identity for everyone."

Sincerely,
Zenas

So CAKE.Girls - what do you think? What is the difference between social objectification and sexual equality? Check out the responses from last week on male adornment and put in your two cents.

Love,
CAKE